Review: The FitnessQuest Gazelle Glider Freestyle Elite Tony Little, I Couldn't Do It!

I got a great gift 2 years ago, (or so I thought) and figured I would share my experiences with Tony Little and his FitnessQuest Gazelle Glider Freestyle Elite.
The advertisements is what drew me in. A machine that would provide a cardiovascular workout that equals to running. It was too good to be true! I had to have it! Had to!
The Gazelle came in a large box, but it was small enough to fit into the back of any truck. The machine took about an hour to put together, and t included a lot of cussing, and yelling. Sigh. Merry Freaking Christmas!
After every bolt and screw was tightened I hopped on and giggled. I finally had this dream machine all to myself. I placed one foot on each foot pad, but the moment I hopped on, I nearly fell off. Sigh.
MONITOR:
The Gazelle FitnessQuest came with an attached monitor, here you can view how long you have been working out, how many calories you have burned, you can also view your heart rate, and the distance you have covered. You can view each setting with the press of a button. The monitor also requires batteries. That sort of annoyed me, but in all honestly the batteries that came with the Gazelle still work. So thats pretty dang good, but it could also just be a reflection on how often I 'don't' use it.
You seem to burn one calorie every time you make a step forward then back. Pretty neat. But I'm still not sure how much I trust
IMPACT SETTINGS:
There are 3 different impact settings on this machine, and you can easily adjust them by getting on your hands ad knees like a dog, and shifting a wire over to a different hole. 3 holes. You also will nearly rip your fingers off if you are not careful. I began hating this machine quickly. Setting one is easy and supposedly your Grandmother can do it. Thats what Tony said on TV anyways. The glider has no impact so I honestly don't see how this is an effective work out. Setting 2 is like walking in sand, and setting 3 is hard. You got to be a manly man to withstand this one. I'm not a manly man, or even a man for that fact, but as time went on I realized this machine is sort of designed for a man.
MY WORKOUT:
After working out for a few minutes my feet began to slip off of the pads. If you re-adjust your feet, it throws you off balance and could potentially cause you to fall to the ground. Yeah, I really want my Grandmother to use this death trap!
(If any old person feels the need to go onto this contraption make sure they are supervised, as falling off of it is very easy. I have fallen off more than once, and I'm pretty young and I have good balance. The issue with this machine is that it's not balance you need, it's to NOT move your feet from position at all! Keep your feet still in the place you first had them, and do not move them, or fall.)
I used my Gazelle religiously when I first got it, about 45 minutes a day, and not once did I notice a difference in my body like Tony promised. That jerk! Basically if your looking for results you must put the machine on the 3rd setting and go at it for an hour a day just to see a difference. However you have to be pretty damn strong to withstand an hour of that grueling workout.
What also pissed me off was how I could not stretch out completely and push the machine to the limit. This was not because I was weak or couldn't stretch, it was because if I pushed it any further, I would fall off of the machine. This would work fine for a taller person, but at 5 foot five, I consider myself pretty average. And Tony said, it's meant for everyone. LIAR!
The machines heart monitor is also a big pain in the rear. You place your finger onto this circular shaped sensor bar, and it will read your heart rate. However the machine does not come with a guide as to what a healthy heart rate should be. I'm a health retard, how should I know if my number is bad or good without a manual?
The Gazelle also comes with a VHS, and on it it are lessons on how you can use the Gazelle. Tony Little of course hosts. The lessons he teaches though are for one nearly impossible to do unless you are 8 feet tall, and the rest of his lessons are dangerous, and ineffective. I cannot see how rocking back and forth is helping you loose weight and tone the body. I can do that in my chair right now, and can guarantee I will get no results no matter how long I rock.
The Gazelle is not a space saver like Tony claims it is. It does fold up, yes, but folding it doesn't do very much. Its still a huge hunk of metal in the room. Good luck squeezing it into a closet.
A huge issue I have with folding up is how easily you can pinch your skin on the machine. You will need 2 people to fold it up safely without tearing your skin off of your fingers.
The Gazelle has two wheels, so you can roll it away somewhere. Again, the pinching issue arises, and rolling i is just dangerous.
The best thing about the machine, occurs when you get off oddly enough. The best part about working out is, stopping. Haha. But on a more serious note, Tony's machine does something else. When you get off it feels as if you are still gliding when you take normal steps. It's psychedelic man!
The Gazelle Elite also comes with a black water bottle, but don't worry about filling it, you will not be sweating anytime soon. They should have attached a medical kit instead. A lot of falling is involved.
OVERALL:
The FitnessQuest Gazelle Glider Freestyle Elite is nothing more than a big ol' death trap for elders, and a waste of time for those looking to get a work out. It now sits in my basement next to my ridiculous Ab Lounger (another waste) collecting dust. I recommend the Gazelle to no one.