Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The Hills, Season 6 Premiere Recap: It's On Bitch

Last night the world was graced with the presence of yet another drama fueled season of The Hills. We pretty much left off at season 5 with the Speidi wedding, that LC actually broke down and attended.

Of course for one last smack in the LC face before she left, her old high-school nemesis was invited along to the wedding as well. Ms. Kristen Cavallari!

It became quite clear that MTV played a role in this whole set up, considering Heidi and Kristen have not spoken in... oh gee... possibly never?

So MTV likely played a huge role in Kristen's arrival. How nice right? How fitting! Let Kristen come in and pick up Laurens show. I think its a lame slap in LC's face, but regardless, MTV knew that in order to keep this show going they had to stick with their old characters, and they had to invite some more fire into the mix. Speidi is getting old anyway, so new drama is surely a match for success.

So Kristen is back, and she is forced to mingle and mix with the old characters of the show. She barely knows any of them, but slides right on in, just like a good little MTV reality robot.

We picked up in last seasons final episode that Kristen was going to stir the pot when it came to Justin and Audrina.

Anyway, let me take you back to the very first episode of season 6, titled, It's On Bitch.

We are brought to a mixer thrown by Heidi and Spencer; or at least that is what it looks like. We learn a few things about Kristen that we pretty much already knew thanks to Laguna Beach. We also learn that Audrina is unusually jealous of Kristen even though she didn't do diddly squat to her...yet.

So the tension is in the air. It's there, but somewhat unnecessary. It makes one think the cast just got their script and notice that Kristen is back. Likely they are pissed at MTV, but hey, they have to take it out on someone, so why not the girl they hired to narrate? It makes sense.

Anyway, before we know it the drama is escalated thanks to a neat little bitch off thrown by Stephanie Pratt.

Stephanie notices that Kristen has just arrived. Perfect timing considering they are all gossiping about her just seconds before her arrival.

Kristen is in good spirits. She makes round greeting everyone (it was supposed to be Heidi and Spencer's party, but really it looked more like Kristen's, Welcome to the Show' party), being polite, being just a regular person, when suddenly she makes one big no-no. Kristen goes over to say hello to Justin, who needs to shave his face Bobby.

Immediately Audrina is feeling angry/jealous. Stephanie then introduces herself in a cold, un-friendly manner. She begins accusing Kristen of ... hmh... I honestly couldn't even tell you. She just gives Kristen crap for really no reason. Stephanie basically wants to warn her to stay away from Justin. Audrina and Stephanie are what appears to be new BFF's.

The way Stephanie went about things though reminded me of the time when she gave Lauren crap about not being friends with Heidi anymore. Steph has more bark than bite, because the moment Kristen starts getting loud and obnoxious, Stephanie just sits there.

Audrina soon walks up, and the yelling, and spatting occurs between the two. For a very short millisecond it even looks like Audrina goes in for a very weak attempt at a choke out on Kristen. The camera guy, how could he miss something so spectacular. Man if it was an attempt at some sort of choke out, it was weak! Fail!

At any rate this scene is where the title of the show comes from. 'It's On Bitch', is basically all Kristen says after the tiff is over and done with.

Anyhow, with that aside, Heidi and Spencer are house shopping, and Heidi non-stop yabbers on about a nursery, and a child proof house, and all this baby stuff. It's obvious she either wants one, or already had a Spence Jr. seed implanted.

Although their clothing is the last thing I usually bring up, I just had to mention the cowboy retarded outfit Spencer had on while house shopping. I just hope there wasn't a Realtor present, because he looked like a goddamn moron. Why Heidi even let him out of the house looking like that is beyond me. The only reasonable reason for such duds would be learning that he came from a rodeo, and was practicing riding bulls.

Spencer goes ahead and does his usual Spencer move, and decides to just pick the house he likes without confiding in his wife first. He puts a deposit down on a house that Heidi clearly does not like too much. She called it too modern, or a porn house. Too bad though huh!? Spencer went ahead and put down the deposit, the house is hers and his, whether she likes it or not. Typical of Spencer.

Meanwhile Lo and Stephanie are discussing Kristen for a short period of time, and Lo passes a lame comment about how she does not want to get on Kristen's bad side. As if Kristen is some sort of mega diva anyone should give a damn about. At any rate the comment is dropped to make it look like Kristen is more than what she really is.

Next we see that Kristen is meeting up with Justin in some hub, pub, sports bar type atmosphere. Nothing really pivotal happens here, but the second meeting takes place at a more private dinner setting.

Kristen lets Justin know that she knows Audrina loves him. He apparently likes hearing this, but flirts away with Kristen anyway to obviously get to Audrina. Why he'd be so pathetic is beyond me, but its clear the whole scene is staged. Kristen looks like she is bored with his presence, but it does not stop her from going for the ratings MTV so wanted.

She makes a comment about her bed, and before you know it Justin passes some sort of 'breaking it in' comment.

We leave off pretty much there. The ratings I'm sure were some sort of all time The Hills record, however the sad way it seemed so staged made it a little boring. Regardless though, its still worth watching for the drama.

I also wanted to note that Audrina looked way hotter with her darker locks. I hope she goes back to her original mysterious dark roots. Oh and... I also hope she finds love elsewhere than with Justin. The guy is so scuzz.

No comments:

Post a Comment