Monday, June 29, 2009

Secret Life Of The American Teenager, Season 3 Premiere

Gosh someone gag me. I absolutely think that The Secret Life of The American Teenager is the most piss poor false look at teen pregnancy, not to mention the acting sucks. However, someone needs to gag me, because I have been oddly hooked to the show since the very first season. I know, it's shameful.

I find though that I end up yelling and screaming at the TV every time it is on, and I lost count on how many times the word 'sex' was used in every episode. I think we are up to a count in the thousands by now though. Like Seventh Heaven, the show is fake, there is no other way to put it. Not a single character is believable.

The worst fake character by far though goes to the little Christian virgin named Grace.

She is the season premieres main focus, and I'm sure you are wondering why?

Little Gracie got all hot and bothered, and let her ex cheating ex boyfriend, now boyfriend pop her little virgin cherry! Whoopsie!

Instead of it being a big secret naturally the world has to know, including mom, big bro bro, and half the frigging school. Yes, loosing your virginity in the world of 'THE SECRET Life' includes a public announcement. Someone gag me. Also, can someone tell me who has a secret, because everything is pretty public in this flick?

In my day if a teen had sex, only her BFF knew about it. There was no public blog or forum on the subject. Not to mention the fact that the word 'sex' alone was like an omen. Yah just never spoke of it, especially to mom and pops. Maybe in a parents dream would their teens share such information. Most of them are unlikely to even 'go there'.

Anyhow, Grace gets her virginity swiped away by Jagged chin Jack, and mommy and big bro bro just head home from the airport of seeing daddy off to some... uhm... wherever.

Anyhow, before they even arrive back home Grace loses her virginity, Jack announces it to her mother, and we discover that Grace's dads plane went down and he was dead.

Here is where we have a big fat fake factor. God only knows how the pop was confirmed dead so quickly, and God only knows why they would be home so quickly after discovering such news? Strange things happen in secret life though folks, strange things indeed.

Frankly if I watched a plane go down my mom or dad was on, I sure as hell wouldn't be home 10 minutes later to pass along the 411. I'd wait around for someone to at least let me know if they were dead, and if finding the body ever came about. But no, not in the secret life. No no. Grace learns right after freeing herself of her virginity that her dad dropped dead. Nice way to impact the Christian girl who normally followed the rules... mess her all up and shit. Why not have her slit her wrists next? Yes, at least that'd be realistic.

The ice cream on top of the popped cherry though has got to be when Graces brother announces that Grace killed their dad. Yup ladies and gents, they want the girl to believe that her vagina killed her father. Can we please get some new writers? I know the scene was not meant to be funny, but I was laughing my ass off at this point. Poor little Christian girl, her vagina killed her daddy.

Anyway, this is the main drama we got going on in the premier. Graces murdering vagina aside, let us focus on Amy.

She has her baby, yadda yadda, Ben is jealous of the baby's daddy, and Amy gets mad. I'm summing this up best I can without boring you, because in all honesty their drama scenes were pretty low key and lame compared to the killing vagina.

Let us move on to Amy's mamasita. Turns out they wrote in Molly Ringwald's pregnancy into the script. Well done, it is the realest thing we will see all season most likely.

The fun though is that the father of the baby may not be George's. It ma very well be her new boyfriend/bosses that she's apparently been sleeping with. They have George's character written in as being fixed! Uh oh! George cant be the father...but we all now how that's going to go don't we folks?

Yep, George's operation likely was not a success, thus dubbing him the babies real daddy. Yawn.

Anyhow, episode 2 is on tonight, so stay tuned for more fun fakeness, and plane crashing vagina's.

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