Thursday, July 31, 2014

Archie Comics: So Does the Red Head Freckle Faced Kid Ever Get Laid?

Let my dirty mind be honest, and share a dirty secret of mine that I have yet to tell anyone. Yes, consider yourselves all lucky, this is some exclusive personal information.
I, Melissa Lynn, have been buying Archie comics for nearly 10 years because for some sick twisted reasoning, my mind tells me that maybe, just maybe, if the stars are lined up right Archie Andrews is going to nail that Betty.
Comic after comic, digest after digest and still the poor red head barely even gets a kiss. Yes his eyes fill with hearts, and he drools, but he never even gets so much as a little titty squeeze, yet for some reason I keep buying the comics. I have some so old they're actually probably worth a decent amount of money by now. But before I sell them, I have to go through them all again and just double check, because yah know, maybe I missed a strip where some humping may have occurred.
So what draws me to Archie comics, even when I know that Archie is never going to score?
It's probably the thought that maybe it will happen, but its not just my sick thought, it's the comic itself. The characters, I grew up with them. I have been reading Archie's since I learned my ABC's. What's not to love about the freckle faced red head from Riverdale? The rich snob Veronica, and her best friend Betty, the wholesome beautiful blond that has a head on her shoulders. The doofus Moose, the teachers, the janitor, the parents, the characters that pop in randomly, never to be seen again in future issues.
I love the cheesy jokes that have never changed, I love how Archie comics also include small skits Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Josie and the Pussycat Dolls, and Lil Jinx.
I like the childish word hunts, and puzzles that the comics add in with the rest of the book. I love how I can branch out and purchase little Archie comics, Jughead comics, Betty & Veronica, and other characters.
What else?
My high hopes for the characters is also what keeps me buying them week after week.
Betty & Veronica have always been best friends, yet at the same time worst enemies. I hope tat one day Betty will wake up and sock that Veronica right in the crotch.
I have continued reading because I have high hopes that Betty will finally win Archie's heart once and for all, while Veronica's dad looses all his money and she is forced to live in a trailer. I want to see Archie give Reggie the beating he deserves.
This is probably the drive, and the real reason I continue to buy, even though I know none of these events will ever occur, I still buy it for the wholesome charming flair Archie comics have always presented.
Archie comics have also taken on a new look. The whole gang has been re-drawn to look entirely different, yet at the same time, the same. I myself like these new drawings, however do hope they never, ever change the old school look to the characters for good. The new Archie's have new modern looks, new modern clothing, and make up. They also have a slew of new vocabulary. No more of that lame, gnarly, awesome, totally, super cool, neat-o phrases.
Hehehe... with the new look, and new clothing, maybe they will also do something new. Ops, there goes my mind again, back in the gutter.
Where to get Archie comics?
Everywhere really, comic book stores will carry the slim comics and digests, Walmart carries them, and any news stand is bound to carry copies. The prices vary from $2.00-$7.00 depending on the size you get and issue.
What to expect from Archie comics:
Good wholesome teenage fun with some cheesy wise cracks, and lame pick up lines from Reggie. Expect to run into Jughead, and his huge appetite. Meet up with Veronica and watch as she shops till her dad drops. Watch how Betty gets ditched by Archie, as he goes out on a date with Veronica. Watch Moose outsmart those smarter than him. Just one comic and you will be hooked.
Nearly each strip has a lesson to learn whether it be a happy one or a sad one. Each comic is filled with something new, and now 2 stories are ever the same.
More Archie fun:
You can visit where you can play fun games, print pictures/posters, write letters, enter contests, and buy Archie and the gang gear.
Will Archie ever score? Probably not, but the journey I have taken with the gang since my childhood has been enjoyable either way.

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