Halloween is right around the corner. Not only are we busy figuring out what the hell we are going to dress up as on this crazy spooky night, but we also enjoy the things that bring out the essence of Halloween.
The main thing that gets me into the Halloween mood and spirit is a
good horror flick. However, some horror flicks are being sold right now
that absolutely suck, and should totally be passed up in my opinion.
Here is my list of the top 10 sucky-est scary movies of all time. Feel free to lash me in my comment section if you disagree.
1. Penny Dreadful-
This film was part of the 8 films to die for. It basically is the
largest snooze fest available on DVD. The beginning starts of great, and
then as time goes by, and you realize the whole movie takes place in
the dark in a parked car with a psychotic pill popping teen, you get
bored, and fast.
Sorry people. I know this one is a cult classic, but as soon as you
find out who the killer is in this psychological thriller, the 'scare'
is gone. I mean it's a good flick the first time, but it has absolutely
no re-play value at all. I won't tell you who the killer is, but once
you find out, you too will be just as disappointed as I was.
3. Darkness Falls-
This one is about a tooth fairy on a wicked evil rampage of revenge.
Um, when I say tooth fairy it should be obvious that the flick is going
to suck. The actual tooth fairy herself is pretty scary, the special
effects are done nicely...but besides her great costume, the movie lacks
in every other aspect.
4. Hallows End-
This one was so bad that I barely couldn't force myself to watch it to
the end. It's a horror flick about a group of students who are put in
charge of putting together a haunted house. However they unleash an evil
curse that turns residents into the real life versions of the costumes
they wear on Halloween night. I know it sounds cool, the plot got me
too...trust me though, the acting is F-ing terrible.
5. Dark Water-
Yet another snooze fest. You will find yourself bored for the entire
thing, and then something kind of cool happens the last 2 minutes of the
movie. Basically from start to finish you will be confused, then things
will make sense, the dark water, the child in the red jacket...then
things don't make sense again, then they do...wait, what the hell is
this movie about!?
I'm still baffled, it has something to do with a mental mom battling
to get custody of her daughter...only she has these odd flashbacks that
never make sense, and black water that drips down the walls. It's really
6. Hangman's Curse-
This supposed psychological thriller is a big giant lame-fest. It
deals with a teen who had taken his life. Only suddenly out of nowhere
everyone who had ever made fun of him is suddenly dying in horrific
ways. Perhaps his spirit has something to do with it. Dun, dun,
dun....This one is a major snore fest, there really isn't even a scary
moment in the entire flick.
7. Mr. Jingles-
I do not even know why I rented this one. The plot even sounded
stupid. It is about a man who is wrongfully accused of a crime he did
not do. The once innocent shy man, emerges from prison as a blood
thirsty psycho killer. Jail made him crazy, I guess, and he seeks
revenge on those who have placed him there.
The acting is bad, the plot is bad, Mr. Jingles is bad.
8. Book Of Shadows: Blair Witch Two-
America was just pissed when they found out that the Blair witch was
not 'real'. You gotta give them props though for that lie in
advertisement...actually I am surprised they were never sued.
Anyways, due to its popularity of course a Blair Witch 2 was released,
only this time they managed to gut the scare we all got from the
original. During the entire film you try and figure out who the killer
is, or who the witch is. The entire movie though makes no actual sense
though as it goes on. The movie does a good job at confusing the viewer,
but then never answers questions that should have been answered.
9. The Hazing-
Sorry I couldn't buy this one. It basically follows a group of
sorority pledger's whom are instructed to spend the night in a spooky
mansion, in order to gain admittance into the sorority. However, there
is a psycho killer teacher on campus, which kills students, and leaves
others alive. But there is a catch, some of the students may be in on
Sorry, in this day and age this story is too far fetched, which makes it too far stupid.
10. Dark Ride-
This one diarrheas retardation. It is about a crazed psycho who killed
twin girls years and years ago. Skip ahead a decade or so, and the Dark
Ride, which is a carnival ride is back and open for business. A group
of teens takes the trip up to see Dark Ride after hours. They end up
spending in the ride (a twisty turny roller coaster indoor type ride),
where something begins to pick them off one by one.
The plot is bad, the acting was horrible, and the movie sucked. The
lighting was so dark that it made it hard to figure out what the hell
was going on 80% of the time. Movies in the dark=not cool.
There you have it, my list of suck-o-licious horror movies. Feel free to breeze right by them on shelves.