Someone told me that I should get my holiday gift guides out early to ensure a larger amount of hits. I mean true, it would be pointless to put out a gift guide a week before Christmas now wouldn't it?
Yep, yep... the little voices in my head told me that, because I am
one smart cookie indeed. Anyways, enough with the ramblings, here is my
all fun and fantabulous holiday gift guide.
The neighbor....Golly gee hooo humm... we have all got em', and
during the holidays we all wish we didn't. Neighbors that we say howdy
to from day to day qualify for a gift. But dammit, although you say
howdy, you don't really know them too too well, unless your sleeping
with them. Then maybe you'd know. But for those who are just
acquaintances with neighbors, and you are glad you have them, you HAVE
to include them on your holiday shopping list.
Possible gift choices include, a bucket of cheap popcorn, a box of
chocolates, a set of wine glasses, or one of those tacky cheese and
cracker log things. Avid handing out large pepperoni sticks though.
That's just weird.
The wife.... you better get her something good or shes just
going to moan and whine about how you don't know her blah, blah, pain in
the butt. Men reading this... try listening around the holidays, girls
like to hint at what they want a month beforehand. Usually these gifts
include jewelery, new cars, or gift card because they have no faith in
you. I however am simple. I write a list of all of the things I wish to
have and post it on the fridge. My family and boyfriend reads it and
they buy what they want from the list. There, easy simple. Sheesh.
The hubby.... oh lordie, you can buy guys whatever, they're not
difficult. I don't know how many times I listen to gals whine about
what to get Josh, or Jimmy or Tommy... buy them whatever. They are not
going to make an issue out of it, nor will they care how much you spent.
Nice gifts depend on the guy, he likes golf? Go all golf...he likes
Japanese culture... then he's getting a Japanese Christmas. See? Easy..
The aunts and uncles.... they get gifts like the neighbors. Cheese logs, fruit cakes, and other cheap crappy gifts like that.
Granny and Grandpa.... birdhouse and slippers. It never fails, every year. There! Done, easy, simple!
Mom and Dad... perfume, a 6 pack of beer and a pack of cigarettes. There! Done, easy, simple.
Your best friend...this is the one you always spend too much
money on. Grrr! Let's try and keep it simple, yet from the heart. Your
best friend knows you probably better than the person you pork. So
buying for them is easy. If you just shop around with your best friend
he/she will pick up something they like, yet put it back because its too
expensive. Well, there's your sign...there, done, simple!
Your Boss... oh gez, this one is the most annoying, because
odds are you dream of this person croaking. So what to get the biggest
pile of crap for Christmas while spending little money, yet looking like
you spent a lot? Gifts that always seem to work for me are gifts
involving the job. You work at a restaurant...get them some lame
restaurant type gift, like a clock in the shape of food. Or you work for
a business mogul...these douche's like to feel special, and lame
trophy's saying worlds greatest boss always charm them most. There are
always lame thoughtful cheap themed out gifts available.
Your sister or brother... these guys are easy. Just ask them,
don't beat around the bush. If the gift is a reasonable price, buy it.
If not, decline buying it and get them a bucket of popcorn.
Cousins... you can send these pricks a card in the mail if
you'd like. But why bother? Most likely they beat you up when you were a
kid anyway...just remember that.
People you don't have to bother with:
Other co workers, relatives you have disowned, people infants, and
relatives boyfriends or girlfriends. They don't count anyway.
However when one of these people say they bought you something, make
sure they give it to you before you rush out and buy them something.
There are tons of shady people around the holidays who will lie and say
they got you something, when in reality they didn't. They just want
something from you.
If this has happened to you, write these people off the following years.
There, easy, simple, done!