Careful, I'm a time bomb. Wanna play?
Okay, hmmm... where to start?
My mean thoughts usually begin when someone pi**es me off. Today for
instance, (I work in Real Estate mind you) I get a phone call from some
moron who didn't know what house he was looking at, but hmm... he wanted
the price. But that's okay, 'I know the town'
You just want to hand people like this a whip, so they can whip
themselves for being so stupid. I swear, you have to try to be this
stupid, and he must have been trying really hard.
"Sorry Sir, there's nothing I can do if I don't have an address, or at least an MLS number"
So stupid calls me stupid, and hangs up. I love New York! God bless!
He needed a giant tampon, or an adult diaper. It's obvious he's on his
period, and it's obvious he's a little baby. May as well kill two birds
with one stone.
It's fun too, because I got his number see... I guess people fail to realize that nowadays most companies have caller I.D.
See stupid doesn't know, that me; stupid... has a stupid brother, who
is a stupid cop, and god how easy it is to trace this stupid with a
phone number. God I love stupids. I also love the reports I get back
from my stupid brother about how he gave stupid a ticket for some stupid
reason. We're all gather round the fireplace and we laugh and
Anyways, just when I thought the day couldn't get any worse I go
outside to have a drag of my cigg, and some stupid lady comes up to me
moaning and complaining that the gift store next door to my office is
never open, and "I" should do something about it.
Has the world just grown incredibly stupid today? Is there a bug going round?
I shrugged and wanted to laugh in her face and push her into traffic,
but I held my cool, and laughed at the thought of this stupid lady
getting hit by a bus. Instead, I shrugged and told her to call the
number that is in BOLD letters on the storefront sign.
She's so stupid she wrote it down. HEE HEEE .... See stupid didn't
know that the number is for the store. See no one can answer the phone
if no one is in. Chuckklllle lucckklle llooooo.
Time kept slipping away and my final 'stupid call' for the day came
in, and this is probably what possessed me to write this piece.
The phone rings... ringlle dingllle dingle jingle jooo...
Yep, this stupid is probably the worst kind of stupid. This stupid
wanted to know if he could 'buy a house' with a credit card. Up front
right then and there.
Hmm... this could be dangerous. I couldn't tell if he was serious or
not... but it sounded like he was. I asked anyway. "You serious Brutha!"
I took his information and let another agent deal with his stupidness. Hyyaaahaaa.
But just when things couldn't get any more stupid I watch as an idiot
trips over a large hook that holds in the street curbs garbage pails.
The pail was off the hook; someone must of stole it or something... but
Now on the sidewalk remains this dangerous tripping device. It's the best thing I have to look forward to at work everyday.
This one idiot of course trips over it, but then he looks
'DUMBFOUNDED' scratching his chin and all. Obviously his stupid simple
mind went too deep into thought.
-Is that drool?
"Yes idiot, you tripped over that idiot"
But he just kept staring at it, like it was some sort of alien form. I
had to laugh out loud for that; he just kept looking at it, and looking
at it. I was so tempted to scream..."Yeah stupid, it's a hook, see
stupid, it's not sunken pirate treasure. It's a damn hook, and your dumb
butt went and tripped over it... move on so I can watch someone else
He really took the fun out of the whole experience. Usually I watch
one or two people a day trip over it. He's just wasting time now.
This idiot must of noticed me staring, so either out of frustration or
embarrassment, he comes in to tell me "I" should call the town and
inform them of this nuisance.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm right on that dumb a-"
However I'm not the idiot who took the flop. Maybe "YOU" should call
the town. Don't be a baby, do you need a diaper? Do it yourself. Sheesh.
I picked up the phone, and pretended to dial some random numbers, just
to give this moron some satisfaction. Seeing how I was using him for my
own amusement, I figured, why not go with it.
Stupid walked out, and didn't even turn back to watch as I hung up.
See the lesson of the day is... If you're going to be stupid, admit
you're stupid and walk away. Don't make it worse for yourself by making
an a-out of yourself in front of everyone else.
If you trip, don't expect the world to catch you, or care for that
matter. You got an issue... DEAL. Don't be pathetic, don't get nasty,
and don't ask for help. Help yourself.
But in case you need a hand, I can lend you a tampon if your feeling
nasty or a diaper if you're feeling useless. Other than that, I have
nothing else to offer but laughter.