Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Tips for Thanksgiving: Meeting Your Boyfriends Parents!

Ahhh.... it's something we all dread! It's horrible, terrible, and did I mention it is scary?
Meeting your new boyfriends parents just sucks. It's a step we all wish we could avoid, especially if it's a meeting that occurs on a holiday.
I met my lovie dovie 4 years ago in August. I got lucky, he never mentioned his parents often and the only time I ever caught a glimpse of them was through their front bay window. They would wave whenever we stopped in, but never did I sit down with them and have a conversation. They usually went to bed at 6pm, and the house would be empty.
No skin off my teeth, I loved not having to cordially meet them.
However as my boyfriend and I grew closer, I became the topic of conversations he would have with his parents. They of course wanted to have me over for dinner. I managed to dodge them all, and then of course Thanksgiving popped up. I was invited, and I once again tried dodging my way out of it. My boyfriend actually got annoyed with me because he wanted me to meet them. Grrrr!!!
I wanted to impress them though, because according to my boyfriend his parents never got along with any of his girlfriends. He claimed it was because nearly every girl he dated would either be rude to them, or they were rude to him in front of them which of course left a bad taste in their mouths.
I however began to think that it was most likely impossible for every girlfriend he ever had was rude to his parents...to me, it was obvious that perhaps his parents were the 'rude' ones, or the mean ones.
Anyhow the day drew nearer and my stomach was in knots. I truly did not want to break bread with these people. I had a feeling they would hate me from the get go. I had a hunch that because I dodged numerous dinner invitations in the past they already though sourly of me.
Thanksgiving rolled around, and I was due to meet the parents at 3pm. Instead of worrying about it, I did something out of the ordinary. I baked cookies! Me! I baked frigging cookies. I made cookies with sprinkles, cookies covered in chocolate, cookies filled with peanut butter...and...well you get the picture. I figured if I couldn't impress them with my suave personality, I would at least make a good first impression by handing them a batch of home made cookies.
If it worked, I was the bomb. If it sucked, oh well, I tried.
There is my first tip. Bring the parents something. Bake them cookies, buy cookies, but if it is the first time you are meeting them bring something! Anything!
After finishing up with my cookies, I then had to decide what to wear. I could be myself and wear a pink tank top with a pair of butt tight jeans and a leather jacket. I could wear my makeup the way I always do, heavy and hot. Or, I could tone it down a bit. That's not me though.
I skipped pink colors and went with brown and black colors though. I wore a brown long sleeved shirt with a beaded pattern on the collar, and a pair of jeans, topped with my leather jacket. I looked casual, and wore my makeup the way I always do...I know that style is me, but I didn't want to look too out there, so I skipped on the glitter mascara.
Tip 2:
Wear something casual. Keep your tits in your top. Leave the low hanging tops at home. Wear a casual pair of jeans, no ass squeezing jeans! Show as little skin as possible. I know that sounds so old school and granny like, but you certainly do not want to present yourself as a half naked pig. Keep it clean, it's only for a few hours. You want his dad to like you for you, not your wobbly boobs.
After I had my outfit and makeup put together, I headed out the door with my box of baked cookies. Holy hell, I felt like such a goddamn butt kissing nerd.
I got to the door, and my boyfriend greeted me first. Thank God for that, because I felt like I was going to throw up right on the stoop.
Tip 3:
Don't throw up.
I was brought into the living room and greeted by his mom first. She gave me a hug and a kiss, and I handed her the box of cookies. I put on my best face and said 'I baked these for you!' (God what a loser I am).
I felt she was either going to tell me she's diabetic or something and that she can't eat cookies, but she didn't! My plan worked! I nailed the first impression. It was a good one. She gave me another kiss and ran over to her husband to tell him what a nice girl I was, and how I was the first girl that her son ever brought home to bring them something.
After bragging to everyone about how nice I was I felt pretty good. I sat down at the dining table, and that's when I was bombarded with questions. Questions that ranged from my age, to my birthday, to what my dad does for a living.
When I was handed these questions I was a little comfortable, because I didn't really know how to answer them. Usually I'm a vile funny creature and I turn everything into a joke. So that's what I did. I had the entire table laughing with my odd answers. I made sure that my answers were clean though, nothing sickening. Some questions I answered normally.
You see if I didn't add humor I would just come off as a boring cookie baking freak.
So there is Tip 4:Be funny, there is no need to act like a boring stiff the entire time.
After the whole 21 questions game, his mom then began to tell me about Ray's dating history. Good lord she went on and on about this one, and that one, and how she wants this one dead, and that one murdered.
I listened for a good hour or so. It was informative, and the woman seemed to really like me. Perhaps too much.
Eventually we sat down and had dinner.
I managed to make it through my first meeting with them without making an ass out of myself, and without them booting me out the door! Success. Although the night was not something I would care to repeat, I got them to like me, and that was all that mattered.
It all started with a box of cookies. Hot damn, cookies work.
4 years have gone by and I am extremely close to his parents now. They call me all the time, they stop by my job and bug me, and the already call me their 'future daughter in law'.
It's sweet.
If you just take the time to impress your significant others parents the first time you meet them, they will love you from the very start. It was actually easier than one would think.
What Not To Do While Meeting Your Boyfriend's Parents:
1. Don't dress like a hoochie mama.
2. Don't under any circumstances mention ex boyfriends. If they ask about any exes, just tell them that they were dirt bags. They like hearing that you think highly their son, so if you can somehow twist the conversation back to him, do so.
3. Don't get too comfortable, or say something that could backfire.
4. No cell phone convos! Turn your cell phone off. It is extremely rude to have the thing go off while you are in a conversation with his parents.
Have fun, enjoy the first time meeting them, and don't be so uptight.
If they are somewhat normal people they will willingly accept you...if not...good luck with Christmas!

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